NEW YEAR'S NIGHT...IVEY DOESN'T LIKE LOUD FIREWORKS!
It's almost here! Our 1st visit with "T"! It's been 8 months since we left the hospital in Atlanta with the beautiful baby girl she gave birth to. I have so many mixed feelings about this visit that's about to take place. I am happy, sad, nervous, excited, along with many others! I told "T" before we even left the hospital in June that we would be coming back to Atlanta in February, and that we wanted to see her. I'm not sure that she really believed me then. I'm sure she didn't fully trust me, and didn't think I would keep my promise. She even said her friends kept telling her that she would never see the baby again. I simply told her "Your friends don't know me".
Just about every time we have talked, I have mentioned to her that we are planning on coming in Feb. She always sounded interested in seeing us. Lately I became very worried about whether or not this meeting would really take place. I've had our hotel room booked for months, and have been anxiously awaiting the date. I last talked to "T" on Jan. 1st...New Year's Day. I brought our visit up to her again then. She still seemed on board. She even asked if "S" (Mylah's birth-father) could meet us then. I told her that would be fine. (More on this later!). Since we had contact on Jan. 1st, there's been nothing more since then. I started panicking a little more as Jan. began to come to an end. I tried texting "T" and calling her numerous times during the past 2 weeks....Nothing! I wasn't sure if she was getting the texts. Her phone always had the same message each time I called. It was a pre-recorded message from her service provider. There was no way to leave a message or anything. I figured that her phone had been disconnected. I was right. "T" moves quite a bit, and her phone also gets cut off often. I thought there would be no way to contact her in time for our visit. Finally, on Jan. 28th she sent me a text! It was from someone else's phone. It simply said that she and the kids are fine, that her phone was cut off, and she asked if we were still coming. I sent her a text back telling her that I was relieved to hear from her, yes we are still coming, and to call me when she can. I didn't hear anything back, but I'm sure she got my message. She knows our arrival date and I'm sure now that I will be hearing from her around that time! In about a week, I will get to see my daughter reunited with her sweet birthmom. I can't help but wonder how Mylah will act. Will she have stranger anxiety? Will she still somehow recognize "T's" voice and be completely at ease with her? Will she cry for me or Danny when "T" is holding her, or will she give "T" her biggest smile ever? I have high expectations of Mylah! I want her to show her sweet personality to "T". I want her to play with "T" and love on her. I am hoping she doesn't shy away from her or act scared of her!
I can't wait to see Mylah with her 3 birth-siblings! I can't wait to take pictures of her with her first family. We will also have Brennan and Ivey with us. I am hoping we can go somewhere and just let all of Mylah's siblings play and get to know one another! Brennan can't wait to meet the three kids! She has been dying to meet them for months and has always asked about them alot. Danny is the only one that has met them. When I was staying in the hospital with "T", he went to their apartment and gave them gifts and watched them play. I have always been a little jealous of that! I so wanted to meet them, but it just didn't work out that way. Ivey doesn't really have a clue about what is going on. I will talk to her about it on the way to Atlanta, but I'm not sure how she will comprehend what is about to take place. I just hope she acts right! LOL She loves to have Mylah to herself and is very greedy and possessive of her. I will have to talk to her about letting everyone else see Mylah, since we get to love on her everyday, and they don't.
I am hoping that this will be the first of many visits! I am hoping that it doesn't break "T's" heart to see the precious baby that she had to let go of due to life's circumstances. "T" tells me she has no regrets about placing Mylah with us, but I have to wonder if this will change when she sees her. I just don't want our joy to be someone else's pain. I just want "T" to have a good life and to be happy. I also want her to know that we love her very much and that we always want her to be a part of our family. I hope that some day we can all spend some holidays together. Our family, with Mylah's first family. I know, I have high expectations of us all! Who knows though, it could happen!
I don't have much to say about "S" (Mylah's birth father). I will say that I've never met him, nor even talked to him. I'm trying to stay open minded about him. I am curious about him, and do think that meeting him will be the right thing to do. But I also have reservations, doubts, and nervousness about his involvement. This journey has always been about what "T", and Danny and I thought was best for Mylah. "S" stepped out of "T's" life before Mylah was born. I do believe that I should meet him and form my own opinion. I also know he has had a health issue in the past few months that may have caused him to do a little soul searching. I do want to give him a chance. I also hear that Mylah looks ALOT like him, so I am naturally curious about seeing him. Who knows if he will really even show up? So many questions, and only a few more days until I have some of the answers I seek. Please pray for all of us as our lives come together for the sake of one child. It is my hope that we all always do what is best for my sweet girl! She is so sweet and innocent, and has no clue about the importance of the days to come.
Blessings and Love--Amber
